Why is this important to me?

Recently, for the several days, I wrestled with such an instance. I found myself wanting my church to do one thing while its leadership decided to do another. I prayed and asked God to help me understand and give me insight. I want to share how I see God speaking to me.

Being a Husband

I think of the responsibilities of church leaders in much the same way as I think about leading my home. My job is not to control my wife or my children but to watch over them. I want to think of ways to adjust their direction which will bless them and protect them. I want to love them so that they are warm people who image God. This commitment to leading my home is a lifetime commitment. I am fully vested.

So that’s the perspective I want to have as I evaluate church leadership. I want to put myself in their shoes and ask those big questions. What is best for this church? What do people need? Where does their path take them? How can they be further blessed? How can their freedom be increased? And all the various questions that come with leadership. The main point is to think about it as if I were in their seat.

Marriage and Church

The first principal of church leadership is that it parallels leadership in marriage which I already suggested. I take this from Ephesians 5:32, which says there is a mystery and that mystery is the connection between husband+wife = Christ+church. Marriage is an image of a relationship and that is the relationship between Christ and his body, the church. Therefore, if I learn wisdom in marriage then I learn wisdom about Christ’s church. If I learn wisdom about Christ’s church then I learn wisdom about my marriage.

Begins with a Lifelong Commitment

Marriage begins on a commitment. I promise to love you til death do us part. That’s the commitment. It’s safe and dependable. There is freedom to make mistakes, try new things, and time to grow together.

Like marriage, building a church requires a commitment. You have to be fully vested. This is especially true in church leadership. Imagine if there were no commitment from the leadership? How could we build anything lasting?

That’s the point. In order to build a church we need a steady foundation. The church is built on it’s leaders. If the leaders are not fully committed then the church will be unsteady too.

Being Faithful and Consistent

It takes time to grow. The only way to do it is to practice and repeat the same things. It’s that daily investment of leading and loving your spouse and kids. In other words, we have to keep at the same things for a long period of time. This is how marriages are successful, lots of practice. We often fall down daily so we can’t judge our success by the day to day.

The principal is called faithfulness. It comes directly from the character of God. Psalm 25:10 says, “All the paths of the Lord are steadfast love and faithfulness, for those who keep his covenant and his testimonies.”

Church leadership is the same way. There must be a commitment to doing the same things over and over again. This is how we grow at them.

Guarding Change

Change in marriage can be a great thing but it can also be a very bad thing. These big changes have to be carefully considered. The reason they are so powerful is because when you make changes you often uproot many of the things you have been practicing and start over with new things. If there is too much change in my home then it gets scattered and unmanageable and discouragement quickly follows. So I think we need to be guarding against change.

Church leadership is the same way. The leaders need to be wise and decide what things we can be committed to and faithful in and practice repeatedly. This is how we grow our churches.

Understanding Limitations

Each of the members of my family have different limitations. There are situations where I am not gifted, things my wife isn’t good at, and situations where my daughter will just simply fall apart. There are also things we are good at and if we could we would only do that. All of this requires wisdom. Wisdom to know what things we should not do so that we don’t fall down in those areas where we want to be faithful. Wisdom to know how to balance our investments.

Church leadership is the same way. The leadership needs to be careful about what things they ask us to do. Are they overwhelming us? Are we missing important places of work? Are we doing too much? Are we not being faithful in our commitments? I believe often the best answer to a new thing is to say no.

Conclusion

I believe the basics of leadership in my home and in my church are the same. First it’s being committed and fully vested. Next, it’s pursuing faithfulness. Finally, we need to guard changing our direction using wisdom on when to say, “Amen. Let’s do it.” and when to say, “No.” If these basic things are present then growth is sure to happen.

Coming back now to the original question, what do we do when we disagree? I think the answer lies in the foundation of faithfulness. It’s not about the now. It’s about the eternal when. I believe if we can commitment to our church then the issues that come up are like the issues in a marriage, you simply work through them for the glory of God. What if they cannot be resolved? Consider bearing them for their sake. That’s exactly what Jesus did:

We who are strong have an obligation to bear with the failings of the weak, and not to please ourselves. Let each of us please his neighbor for his good, to build him up. For Christ did not please himself, but as it is written, “The reproaches of those who reproached you fell on me.” For whatever was written in former days was written for our instruction, that through endurance and through the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope. May the God of endurance and encouragement grant you to live in such harmony with one another, in accord with Christ Jesus, that together you may with one voice glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore welcome one another as Christ has welcomed you, for the glory of God.”
Romans 15:1-7

Disclaimer

There are many reason to leave a church. There is definitely a time to leave a church. It is unlike a marriage in that you can leave without breaking a covenant. Leaving needs to be handled with prayer, Bible reading, counsel, and humility.